My New Adventure Part 2

Previously, I've written how I found myself at a place in life where I had no interest in being.
Living alone has never been on the agenda, and if I'm honest....I still dislike it 98.67% of the time. Being alone is a fear of mine that I had never had to deal with or didn't know existed until a few months ago.

The past 7 months have been a real test of every piece of me. Some changes have been good, like the fact that I can now fix my own meal (with REAL, unburned meat) and others haven't been the most fun. My past was always filled with loud people or countless tasks to be done that I didn't have time to take a second to realize that I was ever alone. But living by myself, there seems to never be enough noise. Silence gives me such an eerie feeling.

But recently, I've started to ask myself, could this process have been God trying to arrange time with me? Although we have lots of times together throughout the week in various ways. Church services, bible studies, prayer time, singing, car rides, etc. but what if He wants me to be silent? Having silent times with God is a sermon I've heard my whole life.
"You need time alone with God." --- "Be silent. Listen to Him."

But I've never really done it. Full out, anyway. Not for a good length of time.
I've had many times where I intended on being silent with Him, but somehow that always ended up with me crying out to Him or me taking control and saying, "Okay God, I think this is the best way to handle this." or "Okay, I bet this is how you want me to feel...thanks! I got it form here."

But in reality, God wants me to just be..with..Him. All He wants is for me to shut up and listen. Or maybe He just wants me to chill with Him for awhile.

(Side Note: How cool is it that the creator of the universe wants to chill with you??)

But He's probably sitting next to me, banging His head against the wall saying, "What do I have to do to get you alone?!"
He has created the perfect this time for just him and I, and what do I do? I call everyone I know and ask what they're plans are for the night. And when I'm home alone I fill my time with endless (very addicting) tv shows.

But all God wants is us to be with Him. THAT'S WHAT HE CREATED US FOR!

So while I sit and cry about having too much alone time, God's sitting there right beside me waiting for me to take His hand and be with Him.
Even though I can't stop the fact that I'll forever be a hyper, loud, crazy extroverted person who loves to be around others, I don't have to fear being in a room by myself. I've never been alone and I'll never be alone. Because God, the Abba Father, is with me and wants to consume all of my loneliness.

My New Adventure

If you're new to my life, let's catch you up:

Small town girl graduates college and moves to big city for new job. A 6 hour drive from her family, a new apartment alone and her hugely extroverted personality brings confused feelings. 

And so it begins...

My entire life has been filled to the brim with people. Parents, a sibling, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and friends galore. Never once have I had to spend time alone when it wasn't wanted. My entire life I've learned to live with people. How to react to them, how to love them, disagree with them, be polite and any other human interaction that could be thought of. 

The key word here is people, isn't it? We spend our whole lives learning to live with people, but who teaches us how to live alone? 

The answer I've come up with is that no one teaches you how to make it by yourself in this world. Your parents (if they're good ones) teach you how to earn a life, but not how to live by yourself. Even in school we first learn how to share and play nice with others, not how to entertain yourself when you don't have someone with you. (although I never needed someone to show me how to start up a conversation with myself) We don't enjoy being alone as a child so we even create imaginary friends. 

I think my outgoing, people loving, extrovert personality is to blame for the way I feel when I'm alone. Some of you might be thinking, "Gosh this girl is such a big baby." If you do then....well, think as you wish but I'm still gonna type. 

I was always been shown that if there was a problem then I should find a way to fix it. If there's something that needs to be done, then do it. So that's my plan. 

Problem: Being alone isn't my thing.
Goal: Conquer problem.

Learning to live alone for the next year (contracts are a pain, aren't they?) will be my next step in this new life of mine. I've got my degree, two great jobs, my own apartment and after some hard work I finally have the money to pay for it all myself. Yes, this new adventure will be difficult, and I may not even end up completely happy but I know that I will at least be satisfied. Satisfied that I will have conquered something that I never really wanted to in the first place. Something that I thought would have been impossible for me to do. 

Ha! And I tell people I'm not adventurous! (Oh how I do hate unplanned adventures) This adventure may have been unplanned but that won't stop me from pressing through it. I will take the bull by the horns (as my mother would say) and I will conquer the task laid before me. 

Here's to a great year of my own space, the TV as loud as I want it and taking the whole couch for myself. 

I'll smile a little brighter a year from now knowing that I did something that I never thought I could. 

Light Assignment

Sometimes Life's a Blur

West Texas Scenic

Motion Pictures

Rainy Day